Oh Life!!

Ohh World. Ohh Life... Has it only been 19 days? Before Gene left for HK I always thought I would very much appreciate my own space since we have been literally breathe to breathe, heartbeat to heartbeat with one another for a year and a half now. Sadly, I have learned how painfully challenging and wearisome it is to come home to a still & empty apartment alone and knowing inside my heart that the exact same thing is going to take place tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that. It is a very difficult thought when I prepare for bed every night, brush my teeth without the boyfriend mocking my attempt to clear my throat. It's going to be just ME getting ready for bed. =( Hope this is just a phase but I very much doubt it is. *sighs

Where to Start?

Im missing my babyy so much. =( So much talking but a coward at heart!

Imbecile in Denial

Every now and then, bits and pieces of the past flit my way, flashing elapsed images and resonating bygone conversations. As I forcefully try to shun those pesky memories from the former years, I failed to acknowledge its ramifications which is haunting my present life. I used to be always right, thinking that I could manipulate anyone into believing that I am who I want them to see me. A damsel in distress, a highly angst teen with raging hormones, a rich girl who has it all, a confused lover or an intelligent girl who knows it all or the other way around. When I first met SuperBoyfie, I started to question my way of life and my grasp of reality. Will life be as simple as what it is portrayed through dreamy novels and romantic comedies? Will I simply get the job of my dreams by falling into a reverie of unrealistic happiness and fame?

Until today, my sense of pride and ego still gets the best of me and my relationship with SuperBoyfie. I desperately need the respect and I want the trust but in the end, I am just an imbecile in denial, not seeing my faults but rather putting on an immature act to vigorously defend myself, often misunderstanding the SuperBoyfie's good intentions for trying to find fault in whatever I do.

I had seen SuperBoyfie's face lit up when he is working on something he is really passionate about and his conversation with me 3 days before he left for Malaysia really opened my eyes. Sometimes when you are in a very comfortable zone with your partner, you desperately long to stay at the same pace as they are, just so everything remains the same as the both of you move endlessly through the machinery of life. But SuperBoyfie made me understand there is more to life than that and I do not have to care if he outgrows me in any way cause I will be right behind him, chasing my own distant dreams while supporting his. I have yet to understand what I really want to do with my life but I know if I work hard and test the waters out there, I will achieve something very very gratifying!